To Know What I Know Now
by bleedingcherry
Summary: Sometimes learning somthing important means letting go of the only thing that you have left. onesided ZADR. oneshot


A/N: This is a very long one shot. It holds the idea of Zim and Dib as friends but could also be interpreted as the two being a couple. It is entirely up to you. Any way I hope you like this story. Review and I shall give you candy.

-Cherry

To Know What I Know Now

A short story by Bleeding Cherry

_Dib's heart stopped in his throat. The crimson orbs he stared at with wide eyes were filled with blinding rage._

_Once again Dib had broken into Zim's base and once again he had been caught. And now Zim had him pinned to a wall with a knife at his throat._

_Zim's eyes narrowed. The cool blade of the knife resting against Dib's throat sent shivers up his spine._

_Dib was scared. Zim had never acted sp aggressive before. Of course there were the threats of releasing "Impending DOOM" down upon him. But that's all they were, threats._

_Dib figured something must have happened to Zim before he had broken in. And he was right. A few minuets earlier Zim's Tallest had informed him of the truth about his "secret mission"._

_Dib felt Zim's grip tighten and he felt the blade being pushed harder onto his flesh though not enough to break the skin._

_Dib squeaked and Zim grinned his evil invader grin._

"_You STUPID, PATHETIC worm-baby."_

"_You'll never get away with this, Zim!" Dib whimpered. Dib shut his eyes and braced himself for some sort of assault. But none came. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see that Zim's eyes had softened, and his smile was not quite so evil. If Dib was correct it actually looked…… friendly?_

_Zim sighed and released Dib, who's jaw had just smacked the floor. He was in complete shock._

_Zim just chuckled._

"_Why…………Why…Did you do that?" Dib asked, his voice barely above a whisper._

_Zim smiled. "You are only a smeet, Dib-human. A mere child."_

_Dib had always seemed like an adult to Zim. He was so independent and incredibly smart for his age. Up until now. Now Zim had seen Dib as what he truly was: a child. That's what he had been fighting all this time, a poor, naïve, helpless child. But that wasn't a good enough answer for Dib._

"_That was never relevant before." Dib stated a bit annoyed at being called a child. "Why does it matter all of a sudden?" Did the tough invader have a weak spot for children?_

"_I didn't know." Zim said plainly._

"_WHAT?" Dib couldn't believe his ears. He new Zim was stupid, but not THAT stupid. "How could you NOT know? Are you really THAT stupid?"_

_Zim's eyes narrowed once again._

"_NO, you stupid worm-baby!" Zim growled. "You didn't FEEL like a child…"_

"_Oh." Dib said dumbly, still not quite getting it. "But what now? I'm still going to try and stop you from taking over the Earth ya know." Dib said as he folded his arms._

"_You need not worry about your filthy planet, Dibuh." Zim spat. "This dirt ball you call a planet is no longer a target."_

_Dib stared in disbelief._

"_Wait! So you mean Earth is safe? You're not going to 'rain your doom down upon us'?"_

_Zim nodded sadly._

_Dib jumped in the air. "Whoo-hooo! Victory for Dib!"_

_Zim's eyes glazed over in tears. He was banished. His mission, his pride and joy was a FAKE! His Tallest hated him, his people hated him, and not that he cared, but he knew Dib hated him as well and still couldn't wait to get him on an autopsy table._

_Zim sighed and decided to interrupt Dib's small victory dance. _

"_I'm taking you up on your autopsy offer."_

"_What?" Dib laughed, confused. "You're kidding, right?"_

_Zim's eyes narrowed. "I assure you human I do not 'kid'."_

"_YOU'RE SERIOUS?" Dib shouted in disbelief._

_For the moment, Dib couldn't feel more proud. He was finally going to expose Zim for what he truly was, become famous, and perhaps even gain the respect of his family and peers. But his pride turned to concern when he heard the sound of Zim's tears as they hit the floor._

"_I am most serious, Dib." Zim choked softly._

_For a second Dib just stood there before he made his way over to the weeping alien. He had NEVER even imagined Zim crying before. He didn't even know Zim had tear ducts._

"_Zim…? What's wrong?"_

_Zim opened his eyes to find that Dib was a bit too close to him. A hand lifted to wipe a tear away, but Zim growled and smacked it away._

"_Zim!" Dib yelled in annoyance. "I'm only trying to help!"_

"_I don't need your help, putrid stink beast! And if you don't want me on your autopsy table, fine!" Zim fumed and picked up the abandoned knife. "Get out of my house!" And chased Dib out the door._

_Dib stood in front of Zim's house for a while in the rain. All that Dib thought Zim was had been changed in that one little visit. He had seen Zim cry. The thunder snapped Dib out of his trance. Dib looked at his watch which read 2:30 in the morning. If Dib didn't rest soon he would never be able to get up for "skool" tomorrow. Dib began walking home in the rain. He stopped for a moment and glanced back at Zim's poorly decorated house, little did he know it would be for the very last time._

Have you ever had an unforgettable experience? Not an experience where you met a famous movie star or won millions of dollars on live TV. No, I mean an experience when at the time you didn't know it would change your life until after it was over.

Then when it is over, it haunts you. Night after night it haunts you. You try and go back to the way you used to be, but the memories play over in your head, as if taunting you, teasing you, reminding you that forgetting is futile and that you can never go back to the way you used to be. You cry your heart out. May be if you'd have known it would be over so quickly you would have acted differently. But its gone. The opportunity slipped through your fingers.

You find yourself living life as an empty shell. Walking down your path without a meaning. Because your meaning took off in an alien spaceship one night without ever saying good bye. And then finally after nights of crying into pillows you begin to wonder. Does everything happen for a reason? Everything has a reason. Just like everyone needs something. Just like how Gaz needs her video games and how dad needs science. Just how He needs me to stop his evil plans, and just like how I need Him.

He's gone by the way. And of all people I should be happy. But then here I am every night, sitting under the stars crying my eyes out and silently praying that maybe one day… He would come back.

I knew this would happen to me. I knew. Deep down inside I knew. I knew because He was the one who responded when I spoke. I knew because He was the one who was decent enough to acknowledge my existence. And most importantly I knew because He was real. He was my proof. He was MY alien. I may have wanted to expose Him. But never kill him. He was far too interesting to kill. Besides He was my obsession. I had pictures of Him all over my room, my lab top. His name was written in every single page of my journal. I would stalk Him and spy on Him. I wanted to know everything about Him. And by doing this, He became a part of me. A part of my very being. But I was so wrapped up in my obsession I had not even considered what my life would really be like if one day he was gone.

And he is. With Him, He took a piece of my soul, and in return left a piece of His behind. Its true. We were always connected some how. We always shared some sort of bond. It wasn't friendship, but it was still a bond. Deep down we understood each other. We understood that we needed one another. Together we had tumbled down a cliff and we could not seem to get back up.

I realize now I went the wrong way with Zim. Its funny how it takes so much just to learn a small lesson of some sort. I should have became friends with Zim. I should have stopped the fihting. I should have helped him take over this dumb planet. The people here couldn't give a crap about me so why should I care about them?

Man, this room is really stuffy! I think I'll go for a walk.

_Dib silently made his way down the side walk. He passed by cars and houses he knew oh so well. He then realized the direction in which he was headed. He tried to stop his feet from moving, but they had a mind of their own. He tried yelling at them to stop, but all that escaped his lips were choked sobs._

_Why were his feet bringing him here? They had done this many times before. And like many times before his eyes had forced him to stare at the vacant space between two houses, which was once occupied by an alien home. And like many times before Dib would break down and run home leaving behind puddles of tears._

_So why? Why were they taking him here once again?_

_Then Dib's feet stopped. For a while he hung his head and stared at his shoes. Hope started to bubble in his stomach. Maybe this time Zim would be back. He wanted so much to lift his head and find out, but there was still fear. Fear that when he did lift his head his gaze would meet with nothing but an empty space. He decided he would try something new. He would not give in. he would not lift his head and be disappointed. He would turn around and walk home._

_Dib turned around._

"_Dib?"_

_It came so softly that it was barely audible to human ears._

_Dib's heart skipped a beat, but he didn't turn to face the voice. He just smirked and kept walking. He would say hello in class tomorrow._

The End.

A/N: the ending is to be interpreted as wished. I am really proud of this story. I hope you will like it as much as I do. R&R!

-Cherry


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